Honesty

     In my immature way of thinking, honesty was not telling lies, stealing, and not confabulating to make a story bigger and better to keep your attention on me.  (such an attention getter.)
Today I understand honesty differently.  Yes, it also includes the above but it also includes other ways I used to meet my own selfish needs and wants.  They are manipulation, people pleasing,(not pleasing people), conning, and passive-aggressiveness.  I used to think there was nothing wrong operating in these modes.  It was just the way I handled things.  It was actions like these as to why I ended up with such low-self esteem and not understanding it was me all along. making myself so miserable.  As I have written previously, I was about 15 going on 34 years of age.  My level of maturity was stuck in a self-centered way of thinking.  It was all about Chrys. I lived my life in my emotions not using the reasoning part of my brain.  My reality (my emotions) not REALITY which includes everything outside of myself like you, people, places and things.  The world around me. Gosh  it's great to grow up right?  Better late than never.

     It was all about pride and fear.  Fear you may not like me or pride - I wanted others to think I was better and bigger than I was.  What wonderful freedom honesty can be and is.  Today, even though there may be a consequence to me I shall be honest in dealings with myself and others but especially being honest with myself.